the worlds first curling dance mix has been released! i suggest you listen to it while driving by high schools with your windows open to improve your image... that's what i've been doing and now instead of throwing rocks at my car they throw dog fetuses which don't dent as much.
speaking of pre-infantiles, the teamtomko guestbook has been filling up with feedback on the recent pee-e-eye issue .... it's a shore thing!

the moral of this story? 'those who live in curling houses shouldn't throw stones'? .. no, that doesn't work.. how about 'do onto others as..'. hey, that's what i've been doing and it hasn't worked. then i guess the moral is 'don't give praise to someone who lives on an island unless you can survive the merciless beatings you'll receive for it'

it's two two tuesday today! that's right, i've got two rock bottom priced updates to give away for today only!
first, while i was eating some chicken-covered moose lips this morning as i do every may 21st in accordance to my religion, a large brick came smashing though a window with a note attached. this is the way my mail is delivered ever since the postman learned not to come within 100 feet of me for fear that a conversation might spontaneously erupt.. but today it was different.. the brick had the initial's 'pei' on them and the note smelled of sea salt. here then is the note and my reactions to it

what better way to start the day then to know that you've reached all the way to the coast of your great country and frightened someone famous.. now i need to fixate on someone from bc.
if your interested, here is my reply to the email


while most people were out at their cabins for may long, drinking and passing gas, teamtomko stayed home and looted their hou... i mean we answered one of curlings oldest questions... how do you get a sober curling team to dance at the bar? the solution is this .. expect a finished version by the weekend. just in time to 'bust a move' for saturday night

the weekend may be long, but that doesn't mean this update has to be. teamtomko went to see star trek: version 2 and took some bootleg pictures to share with our internet fans.
The crowds were terrifying... countless thousands of sweaty star wars nerds dressed up as daywalker and r2d2. i can only guess where they stored their lightsabers once the movie started...

	first the previews... what better way to start then with the teamtomko quality actor, pretty boy tom cruise. i think his new movie is called "i'm carrying a picture alone again" .. or something very close. when asked about his recent weight gain he replied "the script called for a heavier man" .. right. it has nothing to do with your breakup with kidman and all the saigon-whores you've been dating.
	next the preview for the new matrix movie appeared on the screen. I'm a huge matrix fan so there isn't much i can say about this except PLEASE REPLACE KEANU WITH CARTER RYCROFT ... at least then when neo has to cry in the movie, we'll know that he really is crying like a baby.
	finally a very short teaser for something popped up .. i managed to get a picture of it .. but now i wish i hadn't
	yup, that's yoda lightsabering. i never knew that he could move like that.. i wrote a little song about it.. i said lil' yoda, you just don't know the way you fight so fast across the floor i mean you cost so much to render onscreen to the point where cgi makes all the dough

i hope you are all enjoying your may long weekend.. and may the force be with you.

in the brief time that teamtomko has been a link on curling.ca, we have amassed more hits than all the other team links combined! i attribute this mostly to the blue elf i freed from a bear trap last week (which actually turned out to be a malnourished midget), but i also feel that the magic of teamtomko, and in particular his holiness grandmaster double t has much to do with our eSuccess...

his holiness grandmaster double t

his holiness was forged in the space between ice and granite long ago, but came to life again while teamtomko stunk up hibbing, mn. during our first game grandmaster double t appeared briefly as teamtomko threw their last rock in the last end (the opposition had hammer). having seen the apparition several times before, teamtomko simply ignored it's presence, but the other team was caught in the headlights of his equilibrium-altering bowel-emptying stare. they then tried to get teamtomko to forfeit the game for having had divine intervention on their side. instead, teamtomko vomited heavily into the air creating a barf-screen which they used to slip unnoticed out of the area with the w

the dominos have begun to fall as more mainstream curling websites add teamtomko.com to their links. however it seems to be getting harder and harder to convince them to do so. this morning the webmaster of curling.ca said he would add us if i could defeat him in a game of liars dice...

the game is played much like islam kickboxing, except instead of throwing punches at your opponents head, you throw 'liars' dice from a baby blue cup. the goal is to fit your opponent inside your cup. The cups are made from the same material that nasa uses for the 'fat ass-tronaut' line of clothing coming out this june, which can stretch its surface area over 2000 times.
it took over 4 hours of play, and 3 cases of adult diapers, but in the end the day was mine!
there are two other websites in the section that teamtomko has been added.. and i need 545 hits to have teamtomko.com be first in the lineup. your mission is to keep adding hits to the the teamtomko.com link until we have a dominating lead.. godspeed!